Animal Assisted Therapy

Our guest blog comes from Carly McCarthy, exploring the benefits of Animal Assisted Therapy.

“Dogs. With their cold noses and warm hearts they seem to somehow possess the ability to make us feel better about life. Whether that’s by getting us out and about in the fresh air for a walk, their devoted affection and disregard for our imperfections, or the way we somehow feel calmer after just a few moments of stroking them. Having a pet ensures you are never lonely and always have someone with a non-judgemental listening ear at the ready. Anyone who has had a pet will be able to list the many ways in which their pet makes them happy and improves their life. For children, having pets in the home can have a whole range of positive effects – from teaching important skills such as routines and care of someone other than yourself, to friendship and the joy of teaching tricks. The benefits of human animal interactions are becoming increasingly clear, and it is not just as pets that people are benefitting from animals, but also as part of a whole range of what is known as ‘Animal Assisted Interactions (AAI)’. One form of this is animal assisted therapy and dogs are the first animal that come to most people’s minds when we talk about animal therapy, but we should also mention there are lots of other fantastic animals who can work with people too, cats and horses being just two of the other animals commonly involved. There are many types of Animal Assisted Interactions (AAI), with Animal Assisted Therapy (AAT) being just one of them.

It is scientifically proven that stroking an animal has beneficial effects to people’s bodies and mind; these include reduction of stress, lowering of blood pressure and a boost in the feel good ‘love’ chemical, oxytocin. Within Animal Assisted Therapy, benefits may include improved mood and self-confidence, ability to trust, increased empathy and reduced anxiety or aggression. Many children and young people with ASD and ADHD can benefit from the calming effect of being around an animal, which also helps to facilitate improved social interactions. Having an animal involved in a therapy session helps the trusting relationship develop between the therapists and clients. Our sessions are not just about stroking an animal, they may involve a wide range of fun activities to meet the clients’ needs and goals; just one example is an active agility session activity, which improves confidence, self-regulation and teamwork -all while having a lot of fun for all involved! Another example may be a caring session, where children work together to meet an animal’s needs, thinking about what is needed and wanted to help keep animals safe and happy, developing empathy, which also leads on to considering our own needs and wants. We teach clients safe ways of approaching a dog, and show them how to understand dog body language so they can interpret how dogs are feeling, and understand what enjoyable things for the dog are, too. These skills help to keep children safe around dogs, and help foster a deep respect towards animals and how to care for and respect them. 

Despite the many potential benefits of being around animals and having pets, it is of course important that these responsibilities aren’t entered into lightly, and when considering pets for children to remember it is you, the adult, who will be ultimately responsible for most of the pets care! Within Animal Assisted Therapy it is important that all human animal interactions are done in a safe manner with therapists who have good understanding of animal well-being and can manage the potential risks involved when working with children and animals. We work as part of a team, where skilled therapists, animal professionals and trained animals work together to provide a safe and beneficial programme for all clients and animals involved. Everything is always done on a mutually beneficial basis so everyone’s needs are met, and this always includes the animals. None of our animals are ever forced to do anything and they are trained using entirely positive, force free methods – which is essential when building relationships and also for modelling effective relationships built on trust and respect.”

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Carly McCarthy is a Relax Kids Coach, Reg. Veterinary Nurse and has studied Animal Assisted Therapies. She is currently studying BA(Hons) in Childhood and Youth Studies. She works with Creative Action Team and Relax Kids Cheshire.

The Secret To A Calmer Morning?

January’s blog comes from a guest writer, Rebecca Murray, looking into the importance of eating breakfast for primary school-aged children, and the impact the right kind of breakfast can have on physical and emotional well-being.

“Caring for your child is one of the hardest jobs in the world and if, like me, you find the advice currently available to you like a minefield, and would just like a simple explanation of what, why and how it will benefit your family, then please read on.

In various publications it has been documented that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but why is this? Have you ever noticed that some mornings your children are not hungry or that they are too tired to eat so they skip breakfast or grab a sugary cereal bar to eat in the car on the way to school? Guilty as charged!

Scientific research has shown that children who skip breakfast miss out on important nutrients and vitamins, which create a loss in energy, irritability, fatigue, mood swings and a lack of concentration causing adverse effects on memory and learning. It has also been noted that these vital nutrients missed at the start of the day are not made up during other meal times, creating deficiencies in Vitamins A and B-6, iron, calcium, magnesium, copper and zinc which all pose significant problems for growing children.

None of us can really skip breakfast: you know yourself if you miss breakfast you tend to make poor food choices later on in the day and eat more to give you that much needed energy boost. So if you do this, then what about your children? Eating behaviours are formed from our parents’ eating habits before birth and whilst we are growing up. The new phenomenon of bingeing on sugary foods is one of the issues children in the UK face. Childhood obesity is frequently in the media, and this generation of children are seeing an increase in health related problems such as obesity, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, asthma, sleep disorders, liver disease, behavioural problems and even psychological effects such as low self-esteem, depression and social isolation.

“The evidence is now undeniable that poor nutrition is putting our children’s physical health at risk. Many children are now expected to die before their parents as a direct result of their unhealthy diets and lifestyles”

— Dr Alex Richardson

Ready to take action?

“They are what you feed them.” Consider these quotes from parents during a consultation with Dr Alex Richardson, who focuses on how nutrition affects behaviour:

“My child’s performance at school is not where it should be”

“His moods change often throughout the day without explanation”

“She loses concentration, seems confused and tired during the day”

If you have noticed this on one or more occasion with your own child, then it may be time to look at their diets starting with the most important meal of the day: breakfast.

Let’s consider Coco Pops with Semi-Skimmed Milk, a popular children’s breakfast:

Nutrition Facts

Serving Size: 1 serving with 125ml semi-skimmed milk (30 g)

Per serve

Kilojoules 732 kj

Calories 175 kcal

Protein 6 g

Carbohydrate 32 g

Sugar 17 g

Fat 3 g

Saturated Fat 1.5 g

Fibre 0.6 g

Sodium 0.15 mg

The initial problem here is the sugar content (17g): these are from carbohydrates, which we know our body needs for brain function and energy but these are simple carbohydrates, which cause insulin levels to spike quickly. This is often followed by less than ideal behaviour, such as the giddiness you see on the way to school, and as parents we are often saying things like: “Stop doing that!”, “Slow down!”, “ LOOK before you cross the road!” This is what high sugary foods initially do, which is then quickly followed by a slump in energy, creating that lack of concentration and irritability during the school morning, also making them feel hungrier before lunch time, leading them to over eat.

Taking control of your child’s breakfast means you can give them the best nutritional start to the day, which will enhance their health, moods and future eating habits.

So what should be included in breakfast?

You should aim to include 1-2 servings of fruit, to provide those important vitamins. Good quality protein such as 1 egg or a matchbox size of cheese is sufficient and a good serving of slow release carbohydrate: these should come from wholegrain breads or wholegrain cereals, both from unrefined versions (look at the sugar content keep it low <5%). Porridge oats that you soak overnight yourself are the best; try soaking them in freshly squeezed fruit juice to add some sweetness. Sounds too timely to make? Then involve the children and make them the night before and leave in the fridge.

Breakfast Menu Ideas:

* Pancakes topped with fruit

* Home-made Muesli

* Boiled or poached eggs

* Scrambled eggs (with or without cheese)

* Fruit & Vegetable smoothies

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Rebecca Murray is a Health & Wellbeing Manager  and holds a BSC in Exercise, Nutrition & Health.

All information provided in this blog has been sourced by scientific journals and published industry related documents. Reference lists are available on request.

For more information on children’s nutrition, please click here.

Biting The Bullet!

I recently began the practice of bullet journaling. It’s been something that I’ve been aware of for a while, but never looked into properly. I’m a list person: at times, I have a poor memory, or I need to write down my thoughts to get them more organised. Sometimes I feel I need the satisfaction of ticking off an achievement, a task accomplished. But I often get frustrated at losing lists, or having too many separate places to record information. I felt I needed to have things all in one place. And although there are lots of great apps out there, I’m also aware of how much time I spend on my phone each day, and felt that there was something more mindful and organic about using pen and paper.

My friend, Kate, uses a bullet journal and, on buying a new journal and pen for her birthday, I decided it was time to see what all the fuss was about!

Kate pointed me in the direction of the website created by the man behind the idea: Ryder Carroll.

“Though it does require a notebook, Bullet Journal® is actually a methodology. It’s best described as a mindfulness practice disguised as a productivity system. It’s designed to help you organize your what while you remain aware of your why. The goal of the Bullet Journal is to help its practitioners (bullet journalists) live intentional lives, ones that are productive and meaningful. ”

— bulletjournal.com

Bullet journaling, in simple terms, is a way of using a notebook to create calendars, to-do lists, plans and reflections. It can be as simple and functional or as creative as you want it to be. For me, the attraction was having everything in one place, but using a system that works for me (I have always struggled to find a diary, planner or journal that met my needs - often pages would be left unused, and I’d get frustrated at the waste of space). So now I can have my work tasks and home tasks neatly organised, as well as keeping a track on my habits (encouraging me to taking better care of my self!), and having space for being creative: blog ideas, ideas for resources, articles to read, etc.

I asked Kate to tell me a little about why she started using a bullet journal, and how it helps:

“I started bullet journaling originally to try and get back into art. The original Ryder Carroll version of bullet journaling is all about minimalism, but I’m sure you’ve seen all the incredible arty versions on Instagram and Pinterest. I thought it would be a nice way to get back into doodling – I haven’t done any drawing or painting since I was about 18. Plus I’ve always loved the idea of keeping a diary but I’m rubbish at actually sticking to it – I do a few weeks then there’s an 8 month gap! So I bought a dotted journal and did a bit of an arty first page, and very quickly realised that this was just what I needed. I had somewhere to write down all the kids’ appointments and school activities, I could write down a to do list every day, I could keep track of work stuff… When someone recommended a TV show or a book to read, I could keep a list of them too. When we were going on holiday I could plan things to do, restaurants to try, etc… And it was all in one place! I started waking up early every day just so that I could do my journal and feel prepared for the day.

It made me feel more in control and it literally felt like my brain breathed a big sigh of relief

I didn’t have to try and remember everything any more… it was all in the journal. It also made me realise how frazzled I was. You get used to feeling permanently tense when you’re working and running around after two kids, trying to keep on top of housework, keeping in touch with family and friends, and trying to squeeze in some ‘me’ time. It’s a permanent juggling act and it was only once I’d got it all out of my head and onto the pages of my journal, that I realised “wow, I think I was a bit stressed out!” Then, because I was enjoying feeling calm and in control, I also started meditating every morning. Nothing fancy, just 10 minutes using the ‘Breathe’ app on my phone. But now I swear by that routine – up at 6am, make a coffee, do my journal, then mediate for ten minutes. Then I’m ready to take on the day!”

So what goes into a bullet journal?

This is what Kate’s looks like:

“Future log – literally a list of diary appointments for the year

Monthly spread – a list of appointments for the month

Daily – the day’s appointments and to do list

Gratitude log – jot down something each day to feel grateful for

Memory log – I like to doodle things I want to remember like something the kids have said, a place we visited, etc.

Collections – these are lists of things: I have books to read, podcasts to listen to, places to visit, a seasonal bucket list (e.g. things I want to do with the kids at Christmas)

Planning spreads – home decorating plans, holiday planning, event planning, etc.

Braindump – every so often when the stress starts to build up again, I just write down everything going on in my head. It’s like Dumbledore’s Pensieve – I get it all out of my head and once it’s in the journal, I don’t have to worry any more!”

Kate also told me that her daughter (age 10) has also started bullet journaling. “She does lists of things she’s good at and lists of achievements at school and in her hobbies – I’m hoping it will help to boost her confidence.

It’s been great, because she now asks to turn the TV or iPad off and do some journaling with me and we sit and doodle or paint and share ideas for our next pages”

Zoe and Roy, two of my fellow Relax Kids coaches, also use bullet journals. Zoe says she came across the idea at a course about being organised: “It really helps me to stay focussed. I have one for work and one for home, I use it for everything! All those things that pop in to your mind, I just create a list! So I have lists for books I want to read, places I want to visit, indoor activities with the kids, outdoor activities with the kids. Then I have goals, yearly, monthly, weekly, just achievable goals that give me something to focus on”

I looked into it more, chatted to a few more people, read some blogs and articles and decided it sounded pretty amazing. As I bought my first notebook and pens, though, I became a little worried about the “arty” aspect of it all: although I like to doddle and sketch, I was concerned about it not looking quite right. I soon learned that it’s about YOU. Like with most things in life, once you start comparing yourself to others, you start to lose what it’s all about: in this case, organising YOUR thoughts; tracking YOUR mood; creating YOUR journal! And it’s not about how pretty it looks, how artistic it is: it can be clean and crisp with just black pen, using a ruler, or bright and colourful, using freehand; you can use stickers or stencils if you prefer. I’m now one month in, and can honestly say it has had a profound impact. I am more organised, I take more time to reflect, I am more creative. I have space to write my affirmations, intentions, goals and achievements.

But the beauty of it, for me, is that there is no right or wrong way to do it. As Roy says,

“Ultimately, it's YOUR journal so you do what you want with it. No way is the right way, unless it's your way.”

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You can discover more about the Bullet Journal method here.

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Beautiful photos by Estée Janssens

Standing On Their Own Two Feet

When it comes to our children, too often we find it hard to allow them to stand on their own two feet. Instead, we hold their hands, we reach for our toolbox or our magic wands and try and make the problems they face go away.

But what are we really teaching them? Are we, in fact, helping them at all?

As parents, we often get drawn into the trap of feeling as though we need to rescue our children, protect them from hurt, disappointment, fear or rejection. And yet experiencing these emotions is what helps to shape their resilience and increase their strength. Their experiences contribute to their resilience, helping them become more self-reliant, more independent. To take these experiences away, to “shield” them, can often be counter-productive. By jumping in and trying to fix everything, solve their problems, take their hurt away, we are often denying them the very experiences they need in order to grow. And all too often, we leave them with the message that they are not capable of doing it themselves; that we can do it better than them.

So I invite you to step back, put the “toolbox” or the “magic wand” down and allow them to feel, to problem solve, to think for themselves, to fight their own battles and develop their resilience. Here are a few suggestions as to how this can be done.

1. Be a supporter and teacher, not a rescuer. Children need to have secure relationships; they need to know that they have someone in their corner. Often, they need picking up and reassuring. Yet, it’s important that we allow our children to make their mistakes, that we encourage them to step out of their comfort zone and find their own solutions. Try not to fight their battles for them. By all means be there to step up if their voice is not being heard, or if the situation is out of their control, but allow them the opportunity to try to manage it themselves first. Be the back up, not the front runner. Be there, listen, and acknowledge them. Try not to dismiss their fears or worries. Help them problem solve, and find a solution that works, but don’t be tempted to solve their problems for them. Help them to overcome their challenges by themselves. The grin on their face as they experience a sense of achievement and confidence will be worth it.

2. Encourage them to try new things, give them responsibilities and develop their independence with age appropriate opportunities, e.g. being responsible for putting their clothes away, ordering their own food at a restaurant, dressing themselves or feeding themselves (no matter how long it takes or how messy it gets!) climbing rocks and trees, using knives to help prepare food. Try not to take away their independence by doing things for them that they are capable of. It may be quicker, easier, less messy for you to do it, but you are teaching them that you can do it better. Similarly, you cannot eliminate all risk. Allow appropriate risk taking, and let them learn essential skills. They need to be able to trust their own judgement, and feel a sense of achievement and pride.

3. Model and teach emotional regulation. When our children are hurt, we want to take that hurt away and “make it better”. But actually, it is more beneficial to help them recognise, acknowledge and experience their true emotions, rather than giving the message that it is in some way bad or wrong to feel upset or angry. Suppressing their emotions, pushing them away, will only led to bigger problems. Sit with them and listen to them. Don’t try to fix it. Just be there. In this way, they will learn how to cope with disappointment, failure, upset and rejection, rather than see it as something to fear, or something which they cannot regulate or control.

4. Keep expectations realistic. If our expectations are too low, children will easily meet them and not experience the importance of overcoming challenges. Equally, too high an expectation means setting them up to fail. Try not to put too much pressure on them, reminding yourself of their age and capabilities.

5. Let them experience failure, disappointment and make mistakes. All too often, we try and make that piece of homework perfect, nag them to practise their musical instrument or dance steps. We want them to succeed. But are we teaching them about consequences? Whose responsibility is it? Failure is not the end of the world. It allows us to see our mistakes, experience consequences and make our own choices. Similarly, we try and make everything “fair”. We ensure all the children at the party win a prize, for example (Pass the Parcel has certainly changed since I was young!). But what does this teach them about being resilient?

6. Let them experience being bored, not getting what they want, putting others before themselves, not getting the “quick fix”. We frequently try and meet all our children’s wants and needs immediately. We provide entertainment when they may have to wait for something e.g. an appointment, waiting for their meal to be served, etc. We want to give them the things they want for birthdays, Christmas, in the supermarket, even if this means be in debt. We give them a quick snack or convenience food because we don’t want them to have to wait (they may get “hangry” and act out!) But we are denying them the chance to learn to be patient, to have to wait, to realise that they will not always get everything they want even if “everyone else has one”. Remember to praise them for being patient, for being grateful for what they have.

7. Praise their effort and hard work, rather than the end result. If they have worked hard to overcome a challenge, or have had to repeat a test over and over before getting it right, acknowledge their achievement, courage and resiliency. Encourage a growth mindset: to fail helps us learn and grow; we get better with practice; see other peoples’ accomplishments as inspirational rather than as competition.

8. Let them know it’s okay to ask for help. As much as I advocate encouraging independence and self-reliance, I also believe it is important that children know that asking for help isn’t weak or failing; it is brave and strong to know your limits, to know when you need support.

9. Model resiliency. Our children watch us - all the time. They want to be like us, to imitate us. Show them that you, too, feel disappointment, experience failure and upset. But that it can be managed. It will pass. We will grow stronger from overcoming our challenges. Normalise these experiences and emotions for them.

10. See them. Really notice them: their qualities, their strengths, their unique personalities. Help them to see these things, too. Tell them you are proud of them, their courage, determination, kindness and thoughtfulness. Building their self-esteem and confidence will help them to be brave, to step out of their comfort zone, risk failure. Because they know that they are special, loved, worthy.

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If you would like more information about helping your child with their emotions, please do see the Relax Kids page or email aislinn@thecalmwithin.co.uk

Inner Confidence

A guest blog from Jill, at Styled in Colour.

“Size 10 or size 28 we should be able to adopt a more healthy attitude to what our body looks like and just what an amazing job it's doing no matter what it says on the clothing labels we purchase. Over the years my size has been anywhere from a size 12 to a size 20 and everything in between. The difference now is that I do not need a smaller number on my clothing labels to feel good about myself. There are steps that you can take to reinforce a positive body image and as a result create a lasting feeling of body confidence and maybe even a little bit of self love! Steady on!

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1. List all the fantastic things your body is capable of, instead of looking in a mirror and thinking about what you don't like about your body, mentally acknowledge all that your body can do for you. Think childbirth, running a 5k or even fighting an infection. Instead of viewing our bodies as an enemy view it as a friend and pay it a compliment from time to time.

2. Stop reinforcing negative opinions about yourself by saying them out loud. If you're saying it out loud then you're hearing all these negative opinions and underscoring the problem. Instead make sure you celebrate the areas of your body that make you feel good and from time to time try and talk out loud about these areas no matter how silly this might seem.

3. Create a victory file for every time you receive a compliment or accomplish something you're proud of. Make a note of it, no matter how insignificant and then review it regularly for an instant pick me up.

4. Find an affirmation or two that when said over time can become part of your self belief. An example of this could be: "I can do anything I set my mind to"

5. Talk to yourself as you would talk to a true best friend. A lot of the self loathing we do inwardly you would never adopt whilst speaking to a person you love so stop doing it to yourself.

6. Fake it until you make it. Even if you're not feeling particularly good about yourself, practice a few tactics that will project confidence on to others. This could be in the way of making eye contact, adopting a good posture, communicating clearly and even accepting the odd compliment. Even if you're not feeling confident right now pretend until you get there.

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The picture that I've chosen to go alongside this blog was taken this year on a family holiday to Filey. Did I feel fabulous on the beach in this bikini? No, not in reality but I did feel like it was the best bikini available for my body shape and size and the rest I faked until my usual preoccupation of "not being good enough" to sport a bikini disappeared. Having shared this picture earlier in the summer on my Facebook page I used the advice from suggestion number 3 and built a victory file filled with all the heartfelt compliments that I received from real women that were positively touched by me braving it in a bikini on Social Media. This one small act has had a profound effect on how I view my body from the inside out and I hope that sharing some of my tips will go some way in helping you to find your own body confidence.”

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For anyone wanting to receive Jill’s monthly newsletter on all things relating to colour, style and make-up then please visit her website at www.styledincolour.co.uk and hit the subscribe button.

Aromatherapy for ‘September Self-Care’ month

Our latest guest blog comes from Emma at Empathy Holistics

As the nights are drawing in and we have all been basking in the heat of the summer sun, September is the month to take stock and to start looking after ourselves boosting our immune systems and strengthening our coping strategies for stress. So we can fight those wintry bugs and colds!!

• Chamomile: Has calmative properties; it can help those people who are always on the go, to be able to stop and rest their busy bodies and minds! Chamomile can be used as massage oil directly onto the skin or can be breathed in through the nose. Chamomile tea bags are available to ingest the herb in the form of a drink therefore calming your body from inside!

• Cinnamon: This spice is great for warming up during wintry months, aids your circulation especially in the colder months. A great antibacterial oil it can reduce your risks of catching sickness bugs. You can boost your cinnamon intake through drinking chai tea, through cooking! Cinnamon can be blended with other oils such as clove and frankincense to experience a heavenly massage session!

• Ginger: A great way to reduce the symptoms of arthritis and can be blended with other oils to reduc e pain in muscles for example with petitgrain and ylang ylang. A lovely way to warm your body and soul up during the cold nights. A lovely way to experience ginger is through a foot massage. You can add dry ginger to stir fries and baking for example ginger biscuits!

• Lavender: Herb with calming and relaxing properties. Lavender can aid a restful sleep and can aid in reducing the pain from wounds. It can be used directly onto the skin in the form of a massage or can be breathed in through the nose.

• Peppermint: This oil enables are system to focus better on the task in hand. I use it a lot with pregnant ladies and those who have very busy and stressful jobs! You can take it in the form of tea, peppermint leaves in cooking etc. Peppermint is often massaged onto the feet or head as it can reduce headaches and tension. (Make sure if you are adding into a bath that you only use a couple of drops as it reduces blood pressure and only use in a base oil or cream)

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For more information, you can contact Emma King (BSc(hons) IFA, PGDE) at www.empathyholistics.com or on 07913 708 419

Autumn Thoughts from S.O.S

Our guest blog comes from Mrs B, at Simply Organised Spaces.

"As we head into September, (by the way it’s my favourite month of the year), my thoughts head towards fresh starts – children head back to school, mums recover from the summer holidays, crisp walks and a Hygge Household to look forward to, and undoubtedly there is stuff everywhere – remnants of summer and an abundance of new things for the Autumn,

So here are some of my best tips to help you stay calm over the coming weeks and months.

• Have an organisation station – whether you have school aged children or not. Use this to keep your keys, purse, essential handbag items, or your kids school bags, and a list of what is happening when, each week – and a wipe off board, for the weekly updates that need to be remembered. Mine is a unit in the hall – we all have a basket for our essentials, and my handbag and hubby’s laptop bag is stored there. It also holds gloves, hats, scarves, sunglasses, travel essentials, change pot, and key pot.
• If you lose essential things regularly – like I do – I highly recommend ‘Tile’ - you attach them to your keys, purse, anything you lose sight of a lot – then you either use an app, to find them, or of you have misplaced your phone – you press the button on the tile, and it rings your phone – just brilliant.
• Start by organising yourself first – pare down your handbag – we always carry too much around, then put your summer clothes in storage, you won’t need them till you go on holiday again.
• Organise your clothes, and be realistic with this – when you look at your clothes for Autumn and Winter – make sure they fit, and suit you and are still in fashion or are classics you will always wear – any others that are left, get rid of straight away – sell, charity , gift – but don’t hang onto them. Finally sort them into the reasons you wear them – work, school run, going out, gym etc – and then create some simple outfits with the clothes you love – any item that doesn’t go with anything else should also go. This will keep it really easy to get up and get going each day.
• Finally take time to plan the coming months with your family – ensure you ALL get some quality time – organise events well in advance, and stick to them."

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Mrs B, from SOS, offers a bespoke service to help you DeClutter, De-Stress, Re-Style & Re-Organise. All of which leave you more time to do what's important to you.

You can contact her on info@simplyorganisedspaces.com or give her a call on 07525616144

Feelings First Aid Kit

One of the activities I often use with clients is the Feelings First Aid Kit.  Much like a physical first aid kit, it is a useful toolbox of things to help us when we are emotionally hurting.

If we graze our knee, putting a plaster on it won't make the graze disappear, but it may help prevent it from becoming infected.  Taking a paracetamol for a sprain won't instantly heal it, but may help ease the pain for a while.

So your Feelings First Aid Kit does a similar job: it might not make the problem or issue go away but it may help you feel a little better temporarily, or may offer you space to gain some clarity or perspective.

Some ideas children suggest are: listening to music; talking with a parent or a friend; cuddling a favourite teddy or stroking a pet.  Perhaps having a bath or watching a funny TV programme.  Practising breathing exercises can help, too, if the feelings are becoming overwhelming.

For adults, it may be that you need to take some time out for you.  Perhaps have a bath or paint your nails.  Maybe go for a long walk or a swim; watch a film or play a video game.  Read something inspirational or message a friend.

It's not about trying to solve the issue, make big changes or decisions, it's about taking a moment to be kind to yourself.

Check your virtual Feelings First Aid Kit: are there ideas in there for when you need them?

You can download a free PDF to help you make a list of things that help you feel better.

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If you are experiencing significant emotional distress, please do seek support.  You could talk to a friend or family member, speak to your GP or a counsellor, or call the Samaritans.

Hypnobirthing

In our first guest blog, Natalie Qureshi, birth coach, guides us through the technique of hypnobirthing.

WHAT IS HYPNOBIRTHING?

It is training which teaches women how to instinctively tap into deep relaxation techniques.  These proven methods can reduce fear and anxiety during pregnancy and also manage pain and stay relaxed during labour. Using self-hypnosis and guided visualisation, you will be able to maintain a relaxed mind and body to eliminate fear and tension during birth and also reduce pain.

I’M FEELING REALLY FRIGHTENED ABOUT THE BIRTH, WILL THIS HELP?

Yes.  It’s not surprising that the first reaction for many women when we think about labour and birth is fear and anxiety. TV, films and other media can often portray birth in a very negative, frightening or dramatic way, not representative of women’s real experiences. Hypnotherapy works because it helps calm the part of the brain that stores these anxieties.  

I’m also hugely proud of the work that I do with women that have had a challenging previous birth. If this is you and you are wondering how I can help, please get in touch to find out what I can offer.  

WHAT TYPE OF BIRTH CAN THIS BE USED FOR?

Absolutely any. Hypnobirthing is not just for ‘first-time mums’ or women planning homebirths.  I’ve supported IVF mums, twin mums, women planning a caesarean and women having inductions. Time and time again, the techniques have helped them stay calm and feeling more in control. It’s also equipped them with mental strategies to cope, even if the birth takes an unexpected path.

WHAT WILL MY PARTNER GET OUT OF A COURSE?

I have a warm, approachable and down-to-earth teaching style. I don’t like the way in which men are sometimes portrayed on TV births, i.e. usually clueless and bumbling. Partners can make a huge contribution to the birth once they understand the fundamentals. Many men say that they are really relieved once they have completed the course and have a better appreciation of how they can support.

WHEN SHOULD I DO A COURSE?

Any time from about 25 weeks onwards. The sooner you learn the relaxation techniques and understand how your body works to your advantage during the birth, the sooner you will start to feel more confident. 

IS THIS ALL ABOUT HAVING A PAIN-FREE BIRTH? IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?

As a birth coach, I will support you to have the best possible birth experience. I absolutely do teach pain management but hypnobirthing is not about being ‘pain-free’ and it is also not opposed to drugs or pain relief when it’s wanted or needed. However, many women who do learn the techniques report less pain and being cope much better.   

WHAT WILL MY MIDWIFE THINK OF ME USING HYPNOBIRTHING?

Hypnobirthing has never been more popular within the NHS. Some hospitals are even offering it as part of their ante-natal education. Years ago, water-births were seen as exotic but today are widely accepted within the NHS! Hypnobirthing is now exactly the same. Many midwives I work with say how much they enjoy seeing women using the techniques I teach and are impressed with their ability to stay relaxed.   

SHOULD I BRING ANYTHING WITH ME ON THE COURSE?

No. All course materials will be provided on the day and there will be downloads for you to continue to practise at home.

I hold my group sessions in the beautiful Creative Calm Wellbeing studio in Prestwich. They have yoga mats, pillows and blankets for the relaxation sessions. If you have a particular pillow you like to use to support bump, you may like to bring that. Do wear something you feel comfortable in.  I provide refreshments and snacks; there are lots of yummy places nearby for lunch.

Details to book: E: hello@nataliequreshi.com  T: 07866616154 W: www.nataliequreshi.com

Nominated!

I was delighted to receive an email yesterday, from the lovely Jayne, over at Raring2go! Bury, to say that The Calm Within has been nominated for an award!  The awards are for family friendly businesses in the area, and I am so pleased that The Calm Within has been considered.  My idea has always been for the business to offer services that support the family as a whole.  For me, the awards help to raise the profile of the company, helping me to reach more families who could benefit from teh services available.

There is still time to add your vote, which would be really appreciated.  To do so, click here. Voting closes at 11:59pm Tuesday 8th May

Thank you in advance, Aislinn.

Ticket for one.

Date night.  A concept intended to help couples focus on their relationship, making time for themselves, amongst the busy nature of modern life.  Whether it be parenting, work or other commitments taking over, it’s important to make time to spend with each other, checking in on how you are both doing.  It can help your relationship become healthier, help you both to air your feelings and thoughts, and just be at peace with each other.

But what about your relationship with yourself?  When was the last time you spent quality time with YOU?  Practising self-care, taking time to look after your mind and body and spirit, isn’t a selfish act, but a necessary one.  When we are tired, overwhelmed, living in a perpetual state of busy-ness, we are much less able to regulate our emotions and it’s hard to keep track of our goals and dreams.  It’s important to take a moment to spend time with you; perhaps doing something you enjoy, or doing something to recharge your batteries, or to just be.    

Here are a few ideas for “self-dates”, but please do share what you do to build your relationship with yourself.      

1. Watch a film.  One that YOU love.  Not one the kids love, or your partner thinks you will love, but one that speaks to you.
2. Take a bath.  A bubbles, candles, book-in-hand, door-locked kind of soak.
3. Get creative.  Indulge in some mindful colouring or visit a pottery painting place (something I have been meaning to do for a while!  I love taking the children, but itch to spend time on my own really taking my time!)
4. Wake up early and watch the sunrise or take time in the evening to watch the sunset.
5. Go for a walk by yourself. One mile or ten, it doesn’t matter.
6. Choose your favourite book and find somewhere comfortable to read it.
7. Spend some time looking through old photo albums or diaries.    
8. Take yourself for a coffee.  Sit and people watch or just watch the world go by.
9. Visit a museum or art gallery.  Take time to look at the things you want to, without feeling rushed. 
10. Take some blankets and cushions into the back garden and watch the stars.

Sitting more comfortably with the SATs

It’s approaching that time of year again when parents and teachers alike are trying to manage the feelings that surround the SATs.  We want our children to do well, but don’t want them to be anxious or feel pressured.  The SATs don’t look to be going away anytime soon, so what can we do?

Well, think about how we speak about the SATs.  Lots of schools are really embracing the idea of making sure that their pupils know the SATs only assess certain aspects; they don’t assess their creativity, their kindness, musical ability, sporting talent.  They are a mere snapshot, taken under pressure.  

To help parents support children at home, Relax Kids have a great, free, “Exam Survival Guide”.  It helps think about nutrition and hydration, how to get in the right state of mind for learning, as well as lots of ideas for supporting your child emotionally through each day. 

Kids: Believe in yourself and tell yourself you CAN do this! Repeat to yourself, whilst looking in the mirror: "I am ok. I can do this."  “I am calm, I am in control”.  The more we say affirmations, the more we come to believe them, and so act in a more confident, calm way.

Try sitting up a little straighter, lift your head and drop your shoulders down. This power pose will help you feel more open, straighter and stronger.

Remember to breathe! Take in a deep breathe through your nose and breathe out slowly and steadily through your mouth.  Put your hands on your tummy and feel yourself grow as you breathe in.  Breathe in confidence.

And a final word from Winnie the Pooh:

“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

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Giving loss a name.

One of the issues that people frequently talk about in counselling is bereavement: it’s a heavy subject, laden with difficult emotions.  And I often hear how those who have been bereaved find it hard to manage other peoples' responses.  As the bereaved, sometimes we find ourselves in the position of trying to reassure others.  People can feel anxious about “making it worse”, or may feel uncomfortable with displays of emotion, so may avoid mentioning the deceased person’s name, or may try and change the subject.  It can also be hard to think about those who have been bereaved; it’s a reminder that we, too, could lose someone we love.  We try to avoid things which are painful or upsetting and talking about grief can certainly be that.  Similarly, we may have been bereaved ourselves, and to speak of loss is a reminder of our own pain.

“When people offered condolences it was hard, but then I’d ask them what the goofiest thing was they remember Kev getting up to...I wanted everyone to remember that side of him alive.”

— Dawn

Whilst no longer with us physically, those who have died are still with us in thought and memory and deserve to be remembered.  Having been such significant parts of our day to day lives, to ignore them or no longer speak their name, can be incredibly upsetting.

“Losing my grandad I felt like I lost a huge part of my life. I feel it’s so important to keep talking about him for the sake of my son so he doesn’t forget him. We have a garden memorial where we can go speak to him whenever we want to. We will never ever forget him.”

— Steph

I believe it is important to talk about the people who are no longer with us.  It can be hard to know what to say to those who are grieving but try to be honest; tell them it is unbelievable, or incredibly painful.  Tell them you don’t have the words to reflect their grief.  Give them time to talk; you don’t need to fill the silence, just sit with them and listen.  And keep the communication going; a text or message, a phone call or letter.  Little, but often.  They may not respond, they may not commit to plans, but knowing you are there can be a huge comfort.  Most importantly, talk about the person they have lost.  Mention their name, share your memories and anecdotes.    

A phrase often heard is: "I'm sorry for your loss".  Give that loss a name.

George, Kevin, Michelle.

“I take comfort that talking about my mum shows she was here, she mattered, she made a difference and I will continue to keep that alive for my children so they know what a wonderful woman she was and still is to me.  … In some respects it feels like yesterday and in others it feels like a lifetime ago. People now often refer to my children as not having a nanny and I find myself regularly correcting them. They do have a Nanny, just not one they know personally, but she is very much still their Nanny … I try my hardest to keep her still here in the present with little conversations, photos and memories.”

— Julie

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Thank you to those I spoke to, for sharing your stories.  I hope, in some small way, this helps.

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For more information on counselling or bereavement, please do get in touch.

New Year, New You?

It’s coming up to the end of the year, a common time for reflecting on the year that’s passed, and looking forward to the new year ahead.

Too often, we scrutinise ourselves, looking for something to improve, looking for flaws. And we set unrealistic goals. Those goals are frequently unmet, and we end up feeling worse than when we started.

Last year, I thought about my New Year’s Resolutions; I went through the usual, don’t eat as much junk food, don’t go on my phone before bed, etc, but realised that, actually, what I needed to do was focus on the things that were working for me, the things that I wanted to do more of, rather than dwelling on the things that need improving or looking for the negatives.

If we set ourselves a goal with a negative tone e.g. don’t eat junk food, don’t drink as much, don’t spend as much time on my phone, we are restricting ourselves all the time, putting limitations on what we can do. And, being human, we’re more likely to fight against it. By reframing your intention, you can create a positive goal to work towards, something which is rewarding, and you’re more likely to want to do it and succeed. By setting a goal of doing more home cooking, reading more of my book at night, it becomes a positive, enriching experience, rather than a chore. And as a plus, the undesirable behaviours reduce, too.

“New Year, More You!”

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This article was first published in Raring2Go! Bury Winter Edition 2017

Happy Halloween?

I've been pondering Halloween . . .

I don't remember when it got quite so big in the UK. I do remember, as a child, my siblings and I having a party at my Grandma's, wearing binbags for capes and DIY witches' hats, bobbing for apples. We may have gone trick or treating once or twice. But I don't remember there being such a sensation around it.

Now, with my own children, we have a nod towards Halloween. They each have a costume and we will have sweets in for those who come around to our door. But we don't really go "all out".

I was looking at some of the costumes in our local supermarket, and thinking how scary some of them were for young children.  I felt really uneasy with some of the costumes on offer. 

And it got me to thinking about those children who will be scared of the monsters, and how we deal with it all.  It's hard to escape it, but you can make it a little less scary and a bit more fun!

If your child does seem to be scared by Halloween, don't dismiss his/her fears. As with any fear or worry they express, listen to them and acknowledge that they feel scared, whilst reassuring them that you can help. Be aware of how your child is acting or feeling. Little ones may not be able to tell you what it is that they don't like, so be aware that there may be things that you don't find frightening, but your child does. Often, we find children are simply scared of people dressing up, no matter what the costume (a grown up dressed as Peppa Pig or Mickey Mouse can be scary to a small child!) Some children find it especially scary when someone they know changes their appearance with a mask or costume, so it's important to involve them and talk to them about the changes and any fears they have.

Some children may like the idea of Halloween, but be scared of the dark, or the idea of knocking on a stranger's door or of strangers coming to their house (after all, don't we normally instill a sense of fear and caution in them about strangers?!) Why not go out early, in the daylight, or host your own party instead? And costumes don't have to be scary! Dressing up as a superhero or fairy can be just as much fun.

Or, for an alternative approach, instead of focusing on the scariness of Halloween, why not celebrate autumn; the beauty of the colours as the season changes, the harvest? Make a leaf picture, collect conkers, maybe donate something to your local harvest festival? 

Enjoy the half-term together, however you choose to spend it. 

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The original version of this blog was posted on my Relax Kids webpage in October 2016. 

A cup of calm

I don't know about you, but I'm not feeling quite feeling the summer-vibe this year.  Maybe it has something to do with the lack of sunshine (well, here in Bury, anyway!).  Maybe it's being self-employed with two children off school for 6 weeks?!  Maybe (and this is probably the most likely!) I've just not been practising as much self-care as I should.

It's hard, in the chaos of summer holidays, to find that little moment of peace and calm, but it's absolutely something worth doing.

I've had a kind talk with myself this weekend, and decided to consciously make that time for myself.  I have started to use my Headspace app again (it got deleted when my phone threw a wobbly over storage!); I've run a 7 day positive mindset challenge on my Facebook page (did you do it?!) to remind myself of the importance of acknowledging the positives, my strengths, qualities and achievements.  I have tried to take some time for myself in the day to read, for pleasure, not work.  

And I restocked my lovely tea chest, with some delicious fruit and herbal teas.  Tonight's choice?  Pukka's Chamomile, Vanilla & Manuka Honey tea.  "It's a cup that invites stillness so you are restored. One that in the midst of chaos and clutter, there’s a beautiful still pool."  And, do you know what?  It really does work!  A calming tea in my Grandma's cup, and I'm already feeling calmer (despite, ironically, running up and down stairs multiple times as I write this because one child needs to tell me what's happening in her book and the other cannot find the teddy he desperately needs - it is in the bottom of the toy box where it has been abandoned for weeks!)

It doesn't sound much, I guess - an app, a book and a brew.  But it's those little things, those small steps, that are the first on the path to finding or rediscovering that inner calm.  Sometimes, we can sidetracked and take a different path, but we can always find our way again.

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To find out more about the services available to help you find your own calm within, please do click on the Services tab, or get in touch.

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Disclaimer: any reference to products, apps, etc is purely personal opinion/preference, and it is not my intention to endorse or promote one product over another.  

"I am positive!"

In the Relax Kids programme, we use seven steps to relaxation; this is applied to all our classes, whether they are with babies, children or adults.  Every so often, I tune into a specific step, really focusing in on it and practising more myself.  Recently, it's been the turn of step 6:

Believe

In this step, we think about affirmations.  For those of you unfamiliar with the term, the word "affirmation" comes from the Latin, affirmare: to emphasize, confirm, ratify.  Affirmations confirm that something is true for us.  They are clear, positive statements that help us make positive changes.  They help us to visualise and believe in what we are saying and create a healthy sense of self-worth and self-esteem.  Even if we don't particularly feel it in that moment, it's the acknowledgement and belief that we have the capacity to feel it, to be it.

How many of us remember having to "write lines" at school: to repeat a phrase over and over, with the teacher's intention being that it would cement it in our brains and we would not make the same mistake again?  There's no need to write out affirmations ad nauseum, but you can introduce the practice of choosing and saying an affirmation a day, as part of your daily routine.

Physiologically, repeating affirmations can help to release endorphins into the system, promoting a sense of happiness and well-being.  In the same way that physically exercising our muscles can produce endorphins, positive affirmations can increase the flow of these "happy hormones" in our brains.  If practised daily, they can have a significant impact upon our emotional well-being.  Affirmations can help create positive beliefs and lead to positive behaviour.  Further benefits include increased patience, focus, concentration, listening skills, empathy and improved communication skills. 

And, it's never too early to start.   Giving your children affirmations from an early age can increase their self-worth and self-confidence, helping them to build secure attachments.  And don't be afraid to use complex words with them: build up their vocabulary.  After all, if a three year old can say "stegosaurus", they can certainly try saying "unique".  We have an affirmation calendar up in our kitchen.  Every morning, my daughter checks it and we talk about the affirmation for that day.  Recently, my three year old piped up that he wanted to say one, and independently offered up, "I am friendly, I am fabulous, I am safe!"

Examples

Affirmations should be in the first person, "I", and should be in the present tense (for example: "I have" or "I am") and, of course, be positive.  Try writing an affirmation, or choosing one from the list below and repeating it, perhaps first in your head, then out loud.  Experiment with it: how does it feel if you say it hunched or slummed?  Now try saying it standing tall and straight.  Perhaps, look at yourself in the mirror as you say your affirmation.  As with anything new, it can feel a little funny at first.  Perhaps even uncomfortable.  But keep trying.  One day at a time.  Start small, and see how it feels.  

Here are 10 positive affirmations for you to try:
I am OK

I am enough

I am worthy

I am unique

I am special

I choose thoughts that make me feel good about myself

I deserve to have good in my life

I love and respect myself

I believe in myself I know that I make a difference to those around me

I am confident

Make it fun! 

• I wrote affirmations on some wooden blocks, we built them into a tower and the children read them out as they pull out the block (being careful not to topple the tower!)
• Write affirmations on a beach ball and throw it to each other: wherever your thumb lands, is the affirmation you read.
• Write affirmations on a dice and roll it - call out the affirmation it lands on.
• See if you can write an affirmation for each letter of the alphabet.
• Think about affirmations that start with the same letter as your name.

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Relax Kids have a wealth of resources to support your use of affirmations.  There is a free monthly calendar to download, affirmation cards, books and a range of cards, posters and activities to download.  You can also book on to your local class and try putting all seven steps together!

The book blog

About 6 months ago, I moved my business from my bedroom and kitchen to an actual office!  It’s been a gradual process and I’ve been trying to sort and declutter as I go along. 

One of the last things to sort has been the bookcase in my bedroom.  We love books in our house, and have a bookshelf in almost every room.  But this little one was tucked away in a corner.  And it was crammed full.  The top two shelves were, to be honest, gathering dust:  most of these are now either going to charity or to my daughter’s bookshelf, now that she is ready to read them.  However, there is a shelf that I take books from on a regular basis, and these are the ones I use for work.  As I’ve been sorting through them, I thought it might be an idea to share my favourites.  Don’t worry – these books now have a new home in the new office! 

Bereavement and Loss:

• Water Bugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children (Looking Up), by Doris Stickney
• Badger's Parting Gifts by Susan Varley
• Michael Rosen's Sad Book by Michael Rosen
• The Heart and the Bottle by Oliver Jeffers 
• Muddles, Puddles and Sunshine: Your Activity Book to Help When Someone Has Died (Early Years) by Diana Crossley
• As Big As It Gets: Supporting A Child When A Child Is Seriously Ill (Winston's Wish) by Julie A. Stokes and Diana Crossley
• WHEN SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL DIES: Children Can Learn to Cope with Grief by Marge Heegaard 
• The Day the Sea Went Out and Never Came Back: A Story for Children Who Have Lost Someone They Love, Margot Sunderland

Divorce

• Mum and Dad Glue by Kes Gray
• When Mom and Dad Separate: Children Can Learn to Cope with Grief by Marge Heegaard

Books to help manage anxiety

• Little Meerkat's Big Panic: A Story About Learning New Ways to Feel Calm by Jane Evans
• What To Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide To Overcoming Anxiety by Dawn Huebner
• The Huge Bag Of Worries by Virginia Ironside

Separation Anxiety

• The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn
• Mummy Goes To Work by Kes Gray

Dealing with anger

• No Matter What by Debi Gliori
• What To Do When Your Temper Flares: A Kid's Guide To Overcoming Anger by Dawn Huebner

General Emotional Well-being

•  How are you feeling today? by Molly Potter 
• Have You Filled a Bucket Today? by Carol McCloud
• Relax Kids - How to be Happy: 52 positive activities for children by Marneta Viegas

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If you would like recommendations for a particular issue or concern not mentioned here, please do get in touch.

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These are titles I have found to be useful in my work with children and indeed with my own children.  There are, of course, many other titles available.  All the books listed can be used by parents with their children.  Some are stories, others are workbooks or activity books.   

If you have a book you would recommend, please do let me know - I'll always find more room on the shelf!

 

Are you listening to me?!

“Are you listening to me?!”

“Don’t ignore me!”

"Did you hear what I said?!"

Sound familiar?  If you are finding that your child often seems to ignore you, or just doesn’t appear to be listening, the following suggestions might be helpful.

The first thing to consider is if your child genuinely has an issue with their hearing.  If you are concerned about their hearing, consider asking your school nurse or GP to perform a hearing test.

Then, think about how you are speaking to your child.  Observe your voice: do you speak loudly or softly?  Do you shout?  Are you trying to get their attention from another room or floor in the house?

Do you model good listening skills? Make sure that when your child is speaking to you, you give them as much attention as you can.  Make eye contact, reflect back to them what they have said, so they know you have heard them.  Try not to divide your attention between them and another task (especially looking at your phone!)

Give your child time to talk and share what might be on their mind.  Are they not able to fully hear you because they are preoccupied, or have too much on their mind?

Remember, also, that your child has different priorities to you!  Jumping on the sofa to avoid the lava-floor, or swinging a wrapping paper tube like a lightsaber is much more important to them than setting the table, going to the toilet or putting their shoes away.

When we talk about wanting our children to listen, if we’re honest, we usually mean that we want them to pay attention and comply with whatever request we have made, or answer the question we asked.

My top tips for getting children to respond as you ask are here!

1. Be patient.  They may not be ignoring you on purpose, but may not be prioritising your request.  Children have a limited peripheral awareness, which means that they often don’t register what’s happening around them, when they are particularly engaged or engrossed with something.

2. Make eye contact and, if possible, get down to their level.  Make sure you are in close proximity, (e.g. don’t shout from the bottom of the stairs!)  Making physical contact is another useful way to get their attention; gently touch their arm or shoulder, or hold their hand.

3. Keep your request or instruction concise: don’t overcomplicate things or they will switch off!

4. However, do try and give a reason for your request: it helps to know why you are being asked to do something (by the way, “because Mummy said so!” is not a valid reason!).

5. Try and give choices or make compromises where feasible.  If you are giving your child instructions or commands continuously, they will become resistant.  

6. Try not to be repetitive: if you have asked once and your child hasn’t responded, it is likely you don’t have their attention.  Don’t repeat yourself; make sure you have their attention.

7. Do you have a “jobs’ list” or a timetable (written or visual for younger children or those with additional needs)?  If you find yourself “nagging” or asking the same questions repeatedly, consider if it would help to employ a list or timetable.  Then, rather than issuing a string of commands, you only need to ask one thing of them: to check the list.

8. Again, be patient and empathic.  Think about how it feels to be given a list of jobs or to be regularly interrupted when you are in the middle of something.  Children’s playtime and independent time is increasingly impinged on by homework, after-school activities, etc, and they may not share your priorities.  By communicating to them that you understand they might be frustrated may help them to respond to your request quicker or with less fuss.

9. It may be that your child is ignoring you on purpose!  You may have shown them, through previous behaviours, that you can be ignored some times.  How often do you ask repeatedly, and then end up shouting?  This may be sending the message that they don’t really need to pay attention until you shout.  Try changing the way you deal with lack of compliance/response; try not to let the interaction escalate to the point of shouting.

10. And on that note, make sure you stay calm.  When they feel upset, frustrated or threatened, children experience fight, flight or freeze response, and are unable to really listen or process what is being said.  Take a deep breath, ground yourself, do whatever you need to, to get through that moment.  Usually, these conflicts occur when you are in a rush and they are unable or unwilling to do as you ask.  Rather than shouting at them to go and find their bag, help them look for it.  Then, when things are less frantic and rushed, perhaps sit and talk about the importance of them doing as they are asked.

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If you would like to find out more about The Calm Within, please do get in touch.

Being with my baby

In one of my Baby Mindful classes recently, we were reflecting on the importance of self-care, taking time to just be whilst our babies are resting or content, rather than trying to do. We talked about the importance of savouring the moments when we are both content, just "being" together, rather than trying to do lots of jobs, chores or errands.

And I was reminded of the poem that hangs in my kitchen, beautifully created by my sister-in-law, on the birth of my daughter. It still hangs there and, though my babies are now 7 & 3, it still holds just as much wisdom. To sit and cuddle them, being truly present with each other often feels like a luxury, as homework, household jobs, work all get in the way.

Having had a few days away with them, I was reminded of the sheer joy and pleasure to be taken in truly being with them, not with one eye or thought on something else, but 100% in the moment.

It's not easy to let go and ignore the washing up or the to-do list and there are times when things do need to be done. But, as with most things in life, it's about finding the balance.

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You can discover more about Baby Mindful here.