Taking Time Off Work ... Without Feeling Guilty
The last few months haven’t been easy. At the end of May 2021, I had to take some time off work: I had suddenly become unwell, and was unable to drive or see clients. I needed a break and I knew a week or two wasn’t going to be enough. I was already spinning a number of unpredictable plates, including having two primary school aged children (one about to transition to high school) and being self-employed, and this unexpected illness was one plate too many. I thought it was better to put some plates down, rather than let them all fall and smash! And so, after a talk with my clinical supervisor and family, I contacted my clients and let them know.
Fast forward to today and, fortunately, I am better and am back at work, now my children are back at school (picking up one plate at a time, rather than the whole lot in one go!)
The last few months haven’t been easy. At the end of May 2021, I had to take some time off work: I had suddenly become unwell, and was unable to drive or see clients. I needed a break and I knew a week or two wasn’t going to be enough. I was already spinning a number of unpredictable plates, including having two primary school aged children (one about to transition to high school) and being self-employed, and this unexpected illness was one plate too many. I thought it was better to put some plates down, rather than let them all fall and smash! And so, after a talk with my clinical supervisor and family, I contacted my clients and let them know.
Fast forward to today and, fortunately, I am better and am back at work, now my children are back at school (picking up one plate at a time, rather than the whole lot in one go!)
Putting Down the plates
Part of the reason for writing this is to say, “Hello, I’m back!” and share a little of what has been going on behind the scenes(and why my social media has been so quiet!) But the main reason is to say that we all have a number of plates we are spinning, and that it’s okay to put some of those plates down now and again. Whether that means asking for help with childcare, cleaning, shopping, reducing hours or taking some time off work; you’re allowed to ask for help. None of us is super-human (sorry to break to that to you!)
For many of us, however, taking time off work feels impossible: we feel too guilty, we have people depending on us, right? The “what-ifs” seem endless. What if I fall too far behind with my work? What if people think I’m faking? What if my colleagues / employers / clients no longer value me? What about money? What if I find I just can’t face going back? And often, our work is such an integral part of who we are, that if we stop work for a while, we can feel like we are losing part of ourselves.
It’s important for us to remember that we are human beings, not robots. We charge our mobile phones, laptops, tablets; we put fuel in our cars; we take care of the things that help us do our jobs. But how much do we take care of ourselves? And are we able to see our own needs as being important?
Prevention is a good medicine
Ideally, we can take a proactive attitude to preventing illness (both mental and physical). We can look after ourselves using such tools as nutrition, aromatherapy, yoga and exercise. We can get organised, boost our confidence and manage our stress levels. We can create a healthy work/life balance (yes, such a thing can exist!). We can engage in counselling to help us feel more self-aware or balanced, or work through tricky situations, thoughts or feelings. We can have a practice of checking in with what’s going on in our lives, recognising what we need, and taking action. Thus, we can keep the plates spinning.
Curve Balls
“Worryingly, over half (52.5%) of professionals said they feel too guilty to take time off when they’re genuinely ill.”
But sometimes, even with the best plans, programmes, routines, etc, life throws us a curve ball we can’t dodge, and we have to make the decision to take time off. When you recognise you are not well or need to take time off for whatever reason, it’s important to give yourself permission to do that: take time off and focus on what you need. Recognise your worth and make sure your needs are met. Pushing through illness or stress rarely serves anyone (you or your employer/company): we can become more unwell, more stressed, our performance can be impacted upon and it frequently creates more problems. How many of us drag ourselves in to work when we don’t feel 100%, and then make ourselves worse so we end up taking a week off instead of a day? If you force yourself to carry on, the likelihood is that you’re not going to be productive, it could be dangerous (depending on your role), and honestly, you’re not going to win a medal for carrying on at work when you’re not really able to (sorry to disappoint you!) Think about what you would say to a friend or relative in the same situation: you’d want them to take care of themselves, right? Try and acknowledge where you are at, and give yourself permission to take the time you need to get better, or to get things in order so that you can resume spinning that plate labelled “work”.
Make that call
Once you’ve made the decision to take time off (or it’s been made for you!), tell your employers as soon as possible, as prolonging it often adds to the feelings of stress and anxiety. And then … use your time well. You are taking time off work, so no emails, phone calls, or paperwork should be taking place. Equally, try not to get caught up in the domestic “to-do” list of laundry, housework, admin. Rest, sleep, hibernate under the duvet if that’s what you need. Go for a walk, read, sketch, watch TV, play a game, bake, garden. If you’re not contagious, see a friend. If you’re taking a long period of time off, it can be helpful to have a gentle routine, but ultimately do what you need to, to feel whole again, to feel healthy, happy, you. This is your time, so use it to re-charge.
Whether we take a single day off work, or a few weeks or months, the stress and impact on our mental health can be significant, if we don’t allow ourselves permission.
Beating yourself up and submerging yourself in a pool of guilt doesn’t do you any favours (and often prolongs your recovery time or absence from work).
Remember that you cannot do your best at work if you are not feeling your best or not able to work. Return to work when you are ready, not because you feel guilty!
The quick-read!
Reasons to take time off when you are ill:
You are worthy of being healthy, and deserve to take time off to get better.
That should be enough but, if you need more …
Continuing to work can potentially be dangerous for you and/or others;
Pushing yourself can make you more unwell, leading to a longer period of absence.
You are likely to be less productive;
Contain your illness, if contagious, rather than spread it to others.
What to do when you are off sick:
Take care of yourself, mentally and physically;
Rest and recharge;
Leave work at work!
Mental Health
One last thing: many people who are struggling with their mental health find it hard to take time off, because it’s not as easy to explain as a cold, flu or stomach bug, and people may feel there is a stigma around this. If you need to take some time off work, due to mental health problems, but you’re worried about how your employers might respond, Mind have some useful information about telling your employer and knowing your rights.
If you are struggling with your mental health, please do speak out: you could talk to your GP, a friend, family member or colleague, or book an appointment with a counsellor.
Aislinn Marek is a qualified person-centred counsellor, registered with the BACP. She has worked within the NHS, education and private practice for many years, and is passionate about supporting people with their mental health.
She is happy to be back at work!
Yoga, Mindfulness And Your Mental Health
A blog from guest expert, Brenda Ward, on practicing Restorative Yoga, Mindfulness and gratitude for our mental health.
I think lockdown has given everyone an opportunity to pause and better appreciate the importance of taking care of their own health, in particular their mental health, as well as the mental wellbeing of those around them. And, as a teacher, I have definitely witnessed an increased appetite for the more restorative and mindfulness practices of Yoga, both of which offer simple but effective ways to manage anxiety and reduce stress during the uncertainty of Covid-19 and beyond.
So what exactly is restorative Yoga?
Restorative Yoga might also be called Yoga for deep relaxation! It offers your body and mind an opportunity to rest very deeply and enables your nervous system to re-set helping it to rebalance and recalibrate. It differs from other Yoga practices you might be familiar with as it involves holding poses for several minutes to give the body supported rest and the mind an opportunity to settle in stillness.
As the image above shows, in restorative Yoga we use lots of lovely props - bolsters, blocks, straps, blankets and pillows - and create a relaxed mood with subdued lighting, gentle music and aromatherapy oils. The props are there to release your muscles and bones of their usual roles of support and the less stimulating environment means that your nervous system is quieter and so can enjoy rest too. In fact, you can often actually feel the layers of physical and mental tension melt away as you work with the different poses.
If you would like to find out more about restorative Yoga and/or would like to attend the evening Restorative class I teach weekly via Zoom, please contact me at brendayoga@mail.com for more details. You will walk in and float out!
What exactly is mindfulness?
Another aspect of Yoga that can help to support our mental health is mindfulness. So what exactly is mindfulness and how does it work? In essence, mindfulness means to be present, to be in the here and the now, with the mind resting in its natural state of peace and tranquillity. Mindfulness fosters an awareness that, whatever else may be going on in our life, there is a place within us of stillness and calm. Our contemporary life is so busy and we have so many demands upon our time and energy, that we may well have forgotten this.
A lot of my mindfulness teaching references the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Program (MBSR) of Jon Kabat-Zin, one of the most studied and successful forms of meditation in the West. It is supported by a strong body of science to the extent that mindfulness is being used to treat a wide range of stress-related symptoms including chronic anxiety, depression, addiction, insomnia and OCD.
How does mindfulness work?
One of the principal ways mindfulness supports good mental health is by calming our nervous system. In particular, it enables us, via the breath, to take conscious control of our autonomic nervous system allowing us to quieten the sympathetic side (which governs the fight or flight response) and activate the parasympathetic side (which governs the activities associated with rest and digest).
As a result of this, we have a very effective personal tool we can use to restore our mind to a more calm and peaceful state and control negative thought patterns. There is evidence that a regular practice can also help to reduce the production of cortisol, the primary stress hormone, helping us to manage anxiety and even panic attacks.
Try this
Find a quiet place where you will be undisturbed. Sit or lie down and begin to notice your breath. Feel the breath flowing into and out of your nostrils. Next become aware of your abdomen and notice how this area feels - when we are anxious or stressed, this part of the body tends to become tight and restricted. If so, invite softness into your abdomen and then allow it to gently expand as you 4 breathe in and release back towards your spine as you breathe out. When your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your breath.
Finally, take your right hand and place it over your navel and then your left hand over the centre of your chest. Notice the more pronounced movement of your abdomen under your right hand and the much more subtle movement of the chest under your left hand. Stay with this for a couple of minutes before gently releasing.
This simple practice is called the Anchoring Breath and it can be a very effective tool in helping us to manage anxiety and panic attacks.
How do I learn more about mindfulness?
To begin with, it is often easier to learn mindfulness in a group. I am a passionate advocate and so, at the beginning of each of my Yoga classes, I spend a little time teaching its simple techniques to help my students develop this skill. If you would like to find out more about these techniques and/or would like to attend one of my daily classes (via Zoom), please contact me at brendayoga@mail.com for more details.
Gratitude
Another important element of mindfulness is gratitude and, again, this is a practice I am keen to encourage my students to develop so, in my Yoga classes, I will often use it as a theme.
A gratitude practice with a focus on the heart centre can be particularly powerful. It simply involves saying a silent thank you for all the people, places and experiences that bring joy to, and enrich, your life as opposed to focusing on those things that deplete your energy and cause you to suffer.
Expressing gratitude can be deeply empowering and healing. If we commit to doing it regularly, it can shift our perspective to the extent that we begin to see our life in a completely different way. In fact, studies have shown that practising gratitude on a regular basis can have a long-term, very positive effect on our mental and emotional well-being and help to allay depression and anxiety.
To get you started, I’ve posted a simple, beautiful gratitude practice on my website, which I’d encourage you to do regularly.
One final important note
Finally, I would add that mental health issues are often complex and varied and manifest in a multitude of symptoms. Yoga and mindfulness can offer a range of powerful tools to help and support you in your journey back to health but if your symptoms are severe, please seek professional medical help to support you through this time.
Brenda qualified with the British Wheel of Yoga in 2004 and since then has been teaching Yoga to people of all ages and abilities. She believes passionately that the Yoga mat is a place where we can gently switch off from the outside world and recharge both physically and mentally. In addition to her daily mixed-ability Zoom classes, she also teaches children’s Yoga and mindfulness classes, runs retreats on the stunning Amalfi coast and hosts regular Yoga and wellness workshops at historic Lytham Hall. She also runs the BWY Foundation Course (both in-person and distance learning) for those who want to deepen their knowledge and/or are thinking about teaching themselves. For more details of these or any of her other Yoga courses, please contact Brenda at brendayoga@mail.com or visit her website.
Sound Waves
The steady flow, to and fro, creates a calm, comforting rhythm, almost like being rocked, and allows our brains some respite from the busy, often chaotic sounds of urban life.
One of my go-to stress-relieving strategies is to listen to the sound of the ocean. For me, being by the sea is my happy space. I love the fresh, pure air; the tang of salt; the vastness; the seemingly infinite spectrum of blues and greens; the sound of the waves crashing.
And it's no accident that sounds of the sea often feature on meditation tracks. The steady flow, to and fro, creates a calm, comforting rhythm, akin to being rocked, and allows our brains some respite from the busy, often chaotic sounds of urban life.
To allow ourselves to let go of our thoughts, to become immersed in the rhythm of the waves, frees us to be in the moment, no longer ruminating or analysing, but just to be.
But why does the sound of the sea have such a calming effect? The constant rhythm of the waves can help to regulate our breathing, as our breath becomes synchronised with the tempo of the waves. Slowing and deepening our breathing, extending our exhalations, helps to stop the flow of cortisol (the “stress hormone”) and stimulate the Vagus nerve, helping us to feel calmer in our body and mind. And it’s one steady stream of noise, rather than a mixture of tones, so the brain is able to relax a little, rather than trying to identify a myriad of noises.
There’s an argument, too, that the sound of the waves can be reminiscent of auditory experiences in the womb. The whooshing of blood flowing through arteries; the world muffled by amniotic fluid. This is why parents often use white noise to soothe babies, to try and emulate this effect. The brain recognises this pulsing sound as safe, soothing, and thus begins to become less alert, less hypervigilant.
But, if you’re not by the sea, or haven’t got a wave recording handy, try holding a sea shell up to your ear to create the sound of waves crashing on the sand. Haven’t got a shell? Just cup your hand to your ear for the same effect.
